


Touch

by SnubbingApollo



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:50:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5586094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnubbingApollo/pseuds/SnubbingApollo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn isn't used to touch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> hahahaha let's play a game called Apollo ignores all their WIPs that haven't been updated in LITERALLY forever and the veritable MOUNTAIN of unanswered comments sitting in their inbox in favor of becoming Stormpilot trash!

Finn isn’t used to touch. In the First Order he experienced the world thorough the lenses of his helmet. The only touch he had was through armor and gloves and it was perfunctory at best. Until Slip’s injured hand streaked blood across his helmet he couldn’t remember ever being touched by a bare hand.

And then there was Rey. He hadn’t even thought when he took her hand on Jakku. It had been a way of pulling her after him, making sure she followed and wasn’t hurt. In the moment he hadn’t thought anything of it really, but after, when things had calmed down, he’d stared at his hand and remembered the warmth of her skin, the way she’d gripped his hand before she’d pulled away, and he hadn’t been able to help his smile. 

Smiling is another thing Finn is still getting used to.

When he’d seen Poe at the Resistance base, alive and well, he’d run at him awkwardly, nearly stumbling. He hadn’t been sure what to with what he was feeling, relief and joy and something else. Something he hadn’t been able to name at the time. Luckily for him, Poe had known what to do. The man had thrown his arms around Finn and pulled him close and Finn had reacted instinctively, mirroring the gesture. It had been warm in Poe’s arms and Finn had closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the feeling of safety that had washed over him. Too soon Poe had pulled away and Finn had expected that he would step back but instead he’d kept his hands on Finn’s arms, almost clutching at him.

Finn had learned quickly that Poe was like that. He touched a lot, casually, easily. A pat on Finn’s back, a squeeze of his hand or his shoulder. At first Finn had jumped at the touches nearly every time, not expecting them and not really sure how to react. It hadn’t taken long at all for him to start to crave them, though. To lean into them and even, shyly, to return them.

Considering how often Poe had taken to touching him in such a short amount of time it shouldn’t have surprised him to wake in the infirmary after his battle with Kylo Ren to Poe’s hands wrapped around one of his. The touch was the first thing he registered as he woke. A single point of warmth that captured his entire attention.

When he’d stirred, murmured Poe’s name, the man had let go with one hand bringing it up to Finn’s face, resting his palm on the waking man’s cheek.

“Hey, buddy,” he’d murmured, voice soft and a bright smile on his face. “You gave us all a scare.”

They were inseparable as Finn healed, and the touching only seemed to increase. As they walked, Poe had an arm around his shoulders. They ate sitting with their shoulders brushing. Slowly Finn started to notice that Poe didn’t do those things with the other pilots. He still touched them, shoulder clasps and little nudges but the newer touches, the longer ones, those were only Finn’s. It made something in his chest feel warm. It made him feel special.

It also confused him. What was it about him that made him worth those little moments of intimacy? Poe had known the other members of the resistance longer, they’d had more time to form bonds, more shared experiences. It made sense that he would be closer with them than with Finn. But he wasn’t. Or he was but in a different way. Finn wasn’t sure.

He wishes Rey was here. She’d be able to explain it. He sighs giving his vegetables another stir. It was always quiet around the base when the pilots were out. And lonely. Finn thinks he’s plenty fit for duty, and if he was still with the First Order he would have been back on the front line weeks ago. He’d tried telling Poe that, but the man had just gotten that sad look he seemed to get whenever Finn said anything about his time as a trooper. He’d put his hand on Finn’s face again, stroked his thumb across his cheekbone a little and told him to stay and rest. Finn had been helpless to argue.

That had been three days ago. Now he’s sitting here, picking at his food and giving himself a headache trying to figure out what’s going on.

“You know I used to try the same trick when I was a kid. Take it from me, no matter how long you glare at the green stuff it won’t disappear.”

A smile spreads over Finn’s face and he turns, standing.

“Poe!” He throws his arms around the man, leaning into him when Poe returns the hug. “How long have you been back?”

“Only long enough to give my report,” Poe says smiling at him when they pull apart enough to look at each other. “Haven’t even showered yet. Sorry about that.”

“You always smell, I’m used to it,” Finn jokes back, to hide the warmth that fills him at the thought that Poe came straight here. That Finn was the first one he looked for when he got back.

“Hey!” Poe returns with a laugh and a gentle smack to his arm. “Haven’t heard you complaining before.” Finn looks down at the man’s hand where it rests against the jacket. He wears it as often as he can. The second gift anyone had ever given him, the first being his name, and both of them from Poe.

“Hey,” Poe says, his expression growing concerned. “You alright, Finn?” Finn looks up at him and bites his lip.

“Can we talk?” he asks hesitantly. Part of him is afraid that if he mentions it, points out how differently Poe treats him, he’ll stop, but he risks it anyway. He has to know why.

“Yeah sure,” Poe says, brow furrowed. “C’mon let’s go somewhere a little quieter.” Finn wants to point out that the mess is all but silent right now, but he thinks by quiet, Poe actually means private. Yet another thing he has to get used to. No one says what they mean here. 

They end up in Poe’s room, sat down at the table. Finn’s staring at the surface, aware that Poe’s waiting for him to start talking but not really sure how to start. After a long moment Poe’s hand drifts across the table to rest gently against Finn’s. The touch is probably meant to be comforting, encouraging. Finn stares at their hands before taking a deep and speaking.

“Why do you do that?” he asks, nodding to their hands. Poe looks at him confused.

“Do what?”

“Touch me so often. I mean you touch everybody, you’re a touchy guy, but it’s… different with me. I’m not sure how but… it is right? Different?”

Poe frowns his hand leaving Finn’s to rub at the back of his neck. Finn resists the urge to reach after him.

“Ah, jeeze,” Poe says. “I’m not making you uncomfortable am I? Aw, Finn you should have said something sooner. Do you want me to stop?”

Finn blinks rapidly. Damn, this is what he was afraid of.

“No!” he says, then bites his lip, embarrassed at how frantic he’d sounded. “No, it doesn’t me make me uncomfortable. It’s nice. I mean, I like it. Unless… now that I’ve pointed it out _you’re_ uncomfortable. Which is fine! We can stop if you want. No big deal!”

“Finn, hey, Finn!” Poe says reaching out again and putting his hand back. “Hey relax. I’m not uncomfortable. And apparently you’re not uncomfortable. Nobody’s uncomfortable, okay?” Finn nods stopping his rambling and taking a breath. “Okay. So if you don’t want me stop, what’s up?”

“It’s just… I don’t really… why me? I mean there’s the whole bonding in adversity thing, but you fight with the other pilots more than me so that shouldn’t really affect it. And I mean I did get BB-8 here, but I don’t think it’s gratitude either. You haven’t known me that long, and I was kind of unconscious for a pretty big chunk of the time you _have_ and… it just doesn’t make sense. Logically speaking you should be closer to the other pilots.”

“Logically?” Poe asks, brow furrowed. He’s clearly not following. Finn frowns and takes another track.

“Yeah,” he says. “but you touch me more than them. And you come to talk to me as soon as you get back rather than spending time with them. And I don’t get it. Why me?”

“Finn,” Poe says slowly. “This kind of stuff, it isn’t logical. It’s, you know _feelings_ and…” He trails off, making a vague gesture with his free hand.

“Feelings?” Finn prompts.

“Yeah. Shit, Finn I thought you knew. I haven’t exactly been subtle. At least I hadn’t thought I’d been subtle.” He leans closer his hand leaving Finn’s to rest at the back of his neck. “Finn I… shit, this is embarrassing. I’m kind of in love with you.” A bit of laughter seeps into his voice with the last words amusement at the situation or his lack of his ability to voice his feelings Finn doesn’t know. His brain has stalled, stuck on one word in particular.

Love. Alternatively a noun or a verb. An intense feeling of deep affection. Also a word used to indicate a person one is in love with. Weakness, attachment. A mistake of priorities.

Finn blinks frowning in confusion.

“I’m not sure I know what that means,” he admits. Poe looks like he’s just been shot and Finn frowns. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Hey, no,” Poe says giving him a small smile. His eyes still look hurt though. Poe is terrible at lying with his eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong, okay?” Finn nods looking at Poe.

“I think I might… I mean… I’m not sure what it is but I feel something for you too.” Poe was right this is embarrassing. “Is that… good enough for now?” 

Poe grins, leaning forward until their foreheads rested against each other.

“Yeah, buddy,” he says softly. “That’s more than good enough. We’ll figure out the rest together, okay?” 

Finn nods and, before he can overthink it he leans closer closing the last inch of distance between them and pressing their mouths together the way he’s seen some of the other people around base do. It’s clumsy and hesitant, but then he can feel Poe smile against him and then he does… something, tilts his head and moves his lips a bit and suddenly it’s better. It’s perfect. Finn makes a small noise and reaches up his hand clutching at Poe’s sleeve.

When the other man finally pulls away, he doesn’t go far and Finn can feel his breath on his skin, one more new touch he hopes to grow very used to.


End file.
